Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
