There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
