I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
