Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
