You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
ttyl tear gas
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
