It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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