I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
