I am puke
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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