Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
