You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
