Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
