Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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