The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
