Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
