discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
