It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
