Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
