Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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