On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
