What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize