i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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