I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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