My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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