You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
