in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
