Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I party with great urgency now.
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