Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize