So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
