you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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