Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
