Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
