yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
