There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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