Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
