if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
