So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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