people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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