so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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