you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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