The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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