i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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