So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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