i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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