I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
tell me about the fingering
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