i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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