Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
