apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
