Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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