I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
