So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
