I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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