i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
