They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
