my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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