so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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