he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So squirting runs in the family.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
