now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
