I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
