maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
