The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
