I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You pole danced in your parka.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
