Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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