FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
