he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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