It's Friday. Sex?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Who died my cat blue again?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
