Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
