i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
