When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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