i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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