i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
